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Many people arrive at my office after recently going through a painful breakup. They want to know how to cope with a split with their boyfriend, spouse or even just their latest fling. Experiencing bad breakup depression, they wonder if there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Currently, the marriage breakup statistics are around 67% so there is an epidemic of relationship problems. Endings can be tough, but they do not have to be devastating.

The pain you feel when you experience heartache is an old feeling. The painful emotions are not about the other person. Huh? You may be reading over the last sentence to be sure you heard me right. How could that be? The core foundation of that pain is something you originally felt a long time ago (probably as a child).

You tend to project your internal pain onto outer situations and make the experience the cause of the suffering. The ending of the relationship only brought up a deeper hurt you had felt earlier in life.

If you feel that you are constantly getting your heart broken, there could be a pattern in your subconscious that is creating the attraction and the demise of the relationships. Like being stuck in autopilot, you cannot break free of continuous heartache until you change your inner beliefs.

Deep feelings of unworthiness tend to attract people and situations that mirror those beliefs. The people you attract may have their own set of inner struggles which is why they are also initially attracted to you. The only way to change your dating destiny is to change your inner mind to feeling more lovable and worthy.

The most powerful way to change your deeper mind is through self-hypnosis. Myths of being under mind control with a man with a pocket watch are far from the truth. Hypnosis is simply a deep relaxation that sometimes involves visualization.

By putting your mind in a relaxed state or trance, you can write over the old messages of unworthiness with new ideas of self-love and personal power. You will be the same person, only without the negative voice in your head that puts you down all the time.

When you feel good about yourself naturally, you are more attractive. If you really believe on a deep level that you deserve real love, you will attract new, wonderful relationships into your life.

The old pain you felt when someone leaves can be healed through hypnosis as well. Since your subconscious does not know the difference between now and ten or twenty years ago, you can literally go back in time and resolve the suffering felt earlier in your childhood without years of therapy. You can instantly shift the past and step powerfully into the present.

Popular self-help books on the dating subject give tips on how to act confident, but they do not work because underneath you may still feel insecure. Even if you pretend to have it together when first dating someone, your true self will eventually show itself. To truly feel worthy on every level, you need to change it in your subconscious mind.

You have the power inside of you to attract the love you deserve. It doesn’t matter what jean size you are, your education or your social status, you are unlimited to create the life you want by using the power of your mind.

Debra Berndt is a Certified Hypnotic Love Coach, Host of The Love Coach Radio Show, and Author of the upcoming book, “Let Love In.” Get free attract love mp3 download and her weekly dating advice newsletter from her website at http://www.attractlovetoday.com

If you are looking into getting your ex wife back, or if you have reason to look into ways to get your ex husband back, you may feel that you are fighting an uphill battle. People break up for a reason, and you will find that unless you are extremely self-confident or very stubborn that you might have some doubt about your ability to get involved with them again. If you feel that you would love to learn how to win your ex wife back to your side or if you are obsessed with finding a way to get your ex husband back, keep some of the following in mind.

If you are going to get them back, you need to be aware of why the breakup happened in the first place. There are many things that you need to consider if you are going to be back in a relationship with this person, and the first thing that you need to think about is why the relationship ended and what happened. What influences were at work, and how can you keep them from happening again? Unless you can make sure that you aren’t simply going to repeat the past, you will find that you may need to rethink your position and everything that goes with it.

When you are looking into how to win your ex wife back, remember that one thing that you have in your favor is that you are looking to return to the status quo. It is always easier to come back to a relationship that you have left behind rather than start a new one, so you will find that you do have this going in your favor. Take some time to thank your ex for all the good that they have done in your life. You will find that this is an important thing to consider and that you will need to be able to make sure that you make them feel a sense of nostalgia. This can be an important part of making the right moves and the right decisions that will put you back on the road to getting together.

If you are looking to get your ex husband back, remember that you should never cut off the lines of communication. At the end of the day, you are looking at something that tells you that there are many different options for you to loose touch, but remember that above all, you do not want to do this. No matter how you communicate best that you will need to think about doing what you can in order to move forward. Call, email, do what you need to do in order to get the results that you need. You may find that you are talking better now than you ever have before.

At the end of the day, whether you are looking into how to win your husband back, or how to get your ex wife back, it boils down to the same thing. You need to be willing to make an effort and you need to take time to plan things out rationally. If you don’t think that you can do that, you will be fighting a losing battle!

Are you really hoping to get your ex back into your life? Just follow the simple steps given in the website http://www.magicofmakingup.com, where 35,000 broken hearted people and nearly 7,000 people have followed this system for winning their ex lover back.

Unfortunately, sometimes the arguing, fighting and negotiations of marriage bleed through into divorce. This is especially true if you have children. Although sometimes the fighting can’t be avoided, it’s really important to fight fair with your ex spouse. Your children are important and because your ex spouse is their other parent, you will always be connected in some way. For this reason, it’s important to try and make the best of it. Here are 5 tips for fighting fair with your ex spouse.

1. Never, Ever Bring the Children Into the Fight!

You should never use your children to win a fight with your ex spouse. Asking your child who is right, what they think about the argument or similar things should never be something you do. When you force your child to take sides, it can be very traumatizing to the child and could cause issues or problems for them later in life. They could also grow to resent you for making them choose between you or their other parent. Children should have no part in arguments or fights between you and your spouse, period.

2. Keep Calm and Level Headed

When you’re fighting with your spouse, resorting to nasty tactics should be a no-no. This includes calling them terrible names, attacking them in any way, etc. Although sometimes you can become angry enough to want to do these things, you need to remain calm and stay level headed. Remember that all of the behaviors you show could end up coming back to you in court if your ex spouse should decide to renegotiate the child custody case or for other reasons. Behave as though the judge were watching you the entire time.

3. Be Honest with Your Ex Spouse

It’s important to be honest, even when you’re fighting. This is especially true when you’re fighting about your kids. Lying to your ex spouse is never a good idea, especially if the argument has to do with the children. Be honest and tell your ex spouse important things that have to do with the children so you will be fighting fairly with him or her. You don’t want your lies to come back to haunt you later!

4. Communicate with Your Ex Spouse

By communicating with your ex spouse, you will be fighting fairly with him or her. It may be easier to ignore him or her, not answer their calls or pretend you’re not there when they come over to your house. However, it will not make the problems go away. Your ultimate goal should be to live in peace so that your children can be happier with both parents. By communicating, you can fight fairly and find peace with your ex spouse.

5. Do Not Try to Punish Your Ex Spouse

We all make mistakes, and more than likely your ex spouse will make mistakes to. Do not use your children to try and punish your ex spouse. This includes telling your children all about the mistake so they will formulate bad opinions of him or her, and refusing to allow him or her to see the children. This is just plain nasty and should be avoided at all times. Remember not to bring the children into the fight at all.

By following these tips and suggestions, you can learn how to fight fair with your ex spouse so that you can both be the best parents possible.

Danielle L. Taylor is a freelance writer and mom of 3, who’s gone through a devastating divorce with her husband of 15 years (after his infidelity) and was able to get back on track as a strong, happy and free person. She is a member of http://www.Xstilla.com online divorce community.

While most people understand that an attorney is the best way to go, sometimes there are reasons that you can’t employ the services of one. Perhaps you can’t afford to pay an attorney and need to decide whether you can just represent yourself. If you’re trying to make your decision about representing yourself or hiring an attorney, use the tips and suggestions below to help you decide.

What Kind of Cases Are Best to Represent Yourself In?

There are a few different cases that don’t actually require an attorney. For instance, if you and your spouse were only married for a short time and you both have comparable salaries. Also, it’s best if the two of you have accumulated little during your marriage, or you’ve already decided who gets to keep what. On top of this, it’s even better if the two of you have no children together or have absolutely no problem with the other parent staying involved in the child’s life. Often times this sort of situation can be taken care of quickly as there will be a limited amount of conflict or disputes.

When Is It a Bad Idea to Represent Yourself?

The general rule with this is if you and your spouse will have conflicts or disputes, you will probably need an attorney. If you have been married for a while, accumulated many things during the course of your marriage or you have children and will not agree on child custody matters, you will definitely need an attorney. You should also get one if one of you has worked during the marriage while the other one stayed at home to take care of the children, go to school, etc. The attorney helps to fight for your rights and without one, you may not be able to prove your case well enough to receive your fair share.

If there have been any other problems, such as abandonment, child abuse or neglect, refusal to help monetarily or similar problems, you will also need to hire an attorney. It’s an old saying that the man who represents himself has a fool for a client. This can be true in cases where disputes will need to be solved, compensation will need to be pursued and child custody will need to be determined. In these cases, try your hardest to obtain a lawyer.

What to Do If You Can’t Afford a Lawyer

Ask your court clerk for information on lawyers who operate pro-bono. He or she may be able to provide you with further resources on how to obtain a lawyer even when you can’t afford to pay. There are other organizations that help individuals obtain a lawyer too, such as Legal Aid. Find this organization or similar ones in your state and call them. They may be able to help you get a lawyer to represent you in your divorce.

Use the tips and tricks above to help you determine whether you should represent yourself or find a way to get an attorney.

Danielle L. Taylor is a freelance writer and mom of 3, who’s gone through a devastating divorce with her husband of 15 years (after his infidelity) and was able to get back on track as a strong, happy and free person. She is a member of http://www.Xstilla.com online divorce community.

We all want the best for our kids, whether it’s the best schools, the best opportunities and even the best arrangements when it comes to child custody. The first thing we must realize is that cutting our ex spouse out of our child’s life in order to hurt the spouse is NOT what’s best for the child.

Never keep your child away from your spouse because you are angry at them. Your child could end up resenting you or being very hurt because they’re unable to see their other parent. Once you understand this, there are some other great tips to negotiate the best arrangement for your child.

Try to Compromise with Your Spouse - The best kind of arrangement is one where you and your spouse are able to see the kids equally. Of course, they will need one stable environment to reside at during the week, but perhaps your spouse could see them daily by offering to drive them home from school. By compromising with your spouse and removing your feelings from the situation when you’re negotiating, you can arrange what is absolutely best for your kids.

The Primary Residence or Guardian - Typically, if parents can’t decide who the child will primarily reside with, the judge decides based on several things. For the most part, the person who has been the child’s primary caretaker for most of his or her life will have a good chance of becoming the primary guardian. This may mean the person who has handled school issues, doctor or medical appointments and other important things. The judge will also take into consideration who is best able to provide for the child and similar important factors. Remember this when you’re negotiating the best arrangement for your child.

If Your Child is Over the Age of 11 - When your child is around the age of 11 or older, he or she may have a large say so in where they stay. What is your child’s opinion and who does he or she desire to live with? You should definitely take this into account because in the event that you and your spouse cannot decide where the child should live, the judge will want to hear from your child. Of course, the judge will not put the child with a parent that is unfit, even if the child desires to be with them, but the child’s opinion will greatly affect the custody case.

Be Reasonable - If your spouse is a good parent, do not be against the idea of visitation. If there is no reason why you should want to keep your spouse away from their kids other than because you want to, the judge will not think you’re being reasonable or fair and it could look bad for you. Also, your spouse’s attorney could grasp onto that and make it seem as if you’re trying to hurt your spouse and your children because of your own childish emotions.

Although divorce is difficult and custody cases sometimes become nasty, these tips will help you know how to negotiate the best possible arrangement for your child. By taking these into consideration, you will be better able to negotiate to the type of arrangement you want, your child wants and your spouse wants.

Danielle L. Taylor is a freelance writer and mom of 3, who’s gone through a devastating divorce with her husband of 15 years (after his infidelity) and was able to get back on track as a strong, happy and free person. She is a member of http://www.Xstilla.com online divorce community.