Archive for January, 2008

Most guys think that the wedding is the domain of the bride. That may have been true in the past, but more brides are expecting their prospective grooms to get more involved in the planning and execution of such a special day in both their lives.

The most important thing for the groom to remember is that this is a day that his bride has dreamed about for a long time. She wants everything to be just perfect, so the closer the wedding day gets, the more nervous she may become. Though she may say she doesn’t need your help, she certainly wants you to care about your wedding ceremony and reception as much as she does.

Who Pays for What?

Finances and a budget play a large role in planning a wedding. It can ease everyone’s mind if they all know their financial responsibilities from the start. It is usually the groom and his family that pay for not only the bride’s engagement ring, but her wedding ring as well. The groom is also responsible for paying for his wedding attire, the fee for the license and the person who will officiate. There are no hard and fast rules anymore, but usually the groom and his family pay for the honeymoon, the gifts for the wedding party and the flowers for the bride and her attendants.

How The Groom can Help

When your lovely wife-to-be asks you to go along with her to pick out invitations, go with her. Even if you could care less about what the invitation looks like, it will make her happy to have your input. If you have already selected a theme, finding invitations to reflect that can be a fun outing for the two of you.

Go with your bride to pick out your wedding rings. Though the wearing of the wedding ring is an entirely personal matter, you will still need one when the officiant asks you to exchange rings. Picking out wedding rings is something you should do together so you can both compromise if there is any disagreement as to style and price.

Take care of the groomsman’s suits as well as your own. Your bride will care about how you look on your wedding day, so taking care of your suit needs before she has to tell you is a sure fire way to make your intended happy. Be sure that all your attendants will be well prepared for the day as well.

What Your Bride will Expect from You on Your Wedding Day

Of course she will expect you to be at the altar waiting for her on your wedding day, but what else can you do to please your future life partner on such a special occasion? You can be sure that you are clean shaven and well groomed. Check your tuxedo or suit a few days in advance so that there will be no unexpected surprises to ruin the day. Keep a handkerchief handy if you or anyone near you gets emotional. Be sure you have your car keys and the wedding rings as well as your notes for the speech you will be expected to make later.

Lastly, but most importantly, have a good time. This is your day too and enjoying the food and the company on such an auspicious occasion should be high on your list of priorities for your wedding day.

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I’m going to tell you a secret about how you can make people’s faces light up as soon as they see you or think about you.

Every Christmas I type about 50 personalized letters and snail mail them, to thank all the wonderful restaurant owners and chefs, hotels, guides, food producers and farm families in Italy who are part of our cooking tour itineraries there.

I thank them for contributing to the success of our tours. If someone really goes beyond the call of duty, I recall warmly what happened and give that individual special thanks.

In fall 2001 we had a group of 14 Californians, very nice people, but very demanding, wanting many changes in the itinerary, special requests and extra stops.

At our favourite restaurant on the Cinque Terre in Vernazza, Gianni’s, some group members wanted to split plates, others wanted no onions and so on. Our 30ish, cute waiter, spoke great English, joked away with them and satisfied every demand. So helpful!

In my Christmas 2001 letter to Gianni’s, I said with our Californian group who had many requests, the young man who spoke English well was wonderful, so flexible, so willing. Unfortunately I said, there was no nice woman his age in our groups for him.

In October 2002, I took some couples to Gianni’s. I saw the young waiter, but he wouldn’t know me from the thousands of people who go there every year. I said a few words to him, “Sorry no nice young women in our group this year either.

“The letter”, he exclaimed, “you wrote that letter!” A letter his boss had got 10 months ago.

“We really appreciated your help,” I said. He beamed and beamed.

In May 2003 we took a group to Gianni’s.” Oh!” he cried, “My friend!” He threw one arm around my shoulder and gave me a squeeze. In June 2003 I ate at Gianni’s by myself. Same reception. A nice chat. He gave me 10% off my bill. “You’re a VIP.”

Fall 2003 we met him on the street. Big smile. We chatted at length like old friends. He’d left Gianni’s for another job.

In May 2004 I was by myself in the Cinque Terre town of Monterosso, five minutes by train from Vernazza. I felt like dinner with a view of the sea and found a restaurant with tables outside right at the old town port. There he was.

I waved to him. He ran up, “Ciao!” shook my hand, kissed me on both cheeks. “It’s so nice to see you!” He ruffled my hair. I have curly hair, so no hair style to ruin.

“I’m working here now. I don’t know anyone in Monterosso. You’re a friendly face!” He rambled on and on. He was my waiter so we talked some more.

At the end of my dinner he gave me a little glass of limoncello, a lemon liqueur. I looked around to see if other customers had limoncello. Nobody did. I went to shake his hand goodbye and got a big smile and kisses on both cheeks. “Come back soon!” He waved, “Ciao amica! Bye my friend!”

My last few times in Cinque Terre I haven’t seen him. I wonder how many people have ever thanked him for any of his kind acts. One letter with a short acknowledgement meant so much to him.

About five years ago a restaurant owner in the little Tuscan town of Montefollonico gave extra nice service to a couple celebrating their 20th wedding anniversary on our cooking tour. She’d made a lovely cake, “Happy Anniversary” and their table looked beautiful.

That Christmas I wrote her a thank you letter, with a special thanks for her thoughtfulness for the couple. It was always a pleasure to see her and dine well in her restaurant I said.

The following spring when I entered her restaurant, she ran up to me and gave me a big hug. “Thanks so much for your lovely letter, she said. It made my Christmas. I cried when I read it.”

I thought, “Has nobody ever thanked her? What did I write in her letter? Something extra special?” Back at home, I re-read the letter. To me it read like a nice little thank you note. For her, it meant much more.

Last fall (2007) I took another group to her restaurant. In a quiet moment she said, “I still have that letter.” I’ve sent her thank you letters every Christmas, but we both knew which year’s letter she was thinking of.

The owner and chef of a well known Tuscan restaurant, a worldly, 35ish man, has received about eight Christmas letters from me. Recently with a trace of a smile, he said, “We really appreciate your letters every Christmas. We put them into our book that chronicles the history of the restaurant.”

Every year when I go to Italy for our tours, I know someone will mention their Christmas letter. It’s always a surprise who it is and how it affected them.

It takes only a short note, a little time to acknowledge someone for their kindness or for doing a great job, to make them feel special, so every time they see you, their face lights up. So few people take the time. Stand out from the crowd. Be one of those people!

Margaret Cowan of Vancouver, BC owns a tour company, Mama Margaret Italian Cooking Holidays at http://www.italycookingschools.com.

They ran their first Italian cooking, wine and walking tour in 1995 and now offer tours throughout Italy.

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As far as Romania marriage is concerned, before saying “I do”, the young generation of Romanians has to take some preliminary exams like the career test, a test of communication with the partner and finally the “living under the same roof” test.

A marriage that comes after a few months of a relationship (each is staying with parents) has a big shot of a premature disaster, to the disappointment of the partners involved. A mature relationship, where most subjects have been defined and passed through, is better for serious challenges, like the ones that appear when you try handling things on your own. It can be said by a person who chooses to live with his partner without commitment.

Romanian marriage, a delicate subject in peoples lives, has to wait until the couple decides they can spend their life together. This period is meant for them to grow up equally. It might be a marriage rehearsal, even though it might be with different partners.

In the Romanian conception, relationships that do not end in marriage are a feature of modern society and traditionalist people do not agree with them. Natives are still horrified when hearing the word “concubine”, but psychologists have noticed an improvement in peoples way of thinking things through.

These days, parents have the possibility to accept newer evolutions of relationships. They are not old fashioned, so moving in may not affect them or the relationship between the children and the parents. Friends are not surprised any more if a boy and a girl live together.

The “training” period in other couples relationship can be even shorter. Marriage can be brought into discussion after more than a year of a relationship. Maybe they do not even think of getting married when they decide to live together. If they had not got along, they would have considered this period of living together as a challenge, because living with someone can tell you everything about that person - everything you could not have known before making this step.

According to psychologists, being together without commitment does not offer guarantees. For example, some experts in family psychology think that secret recipes for a successful relationship have not been invented yet.

However, there are claims, that there is a level of intimate routine, which once reached, may endanger the couples future. If the two live together for a year or two, they have all the chances to get married, as well as it is probable that after 4 years of living together, without being married, the relationship ends.

Theoretically, routine appears after 3 years. Couples who “live together” have been statistically measured four years ago. Since then different statistical bodies have counted over 800,000 people who have chosen this form of relationship in Romania and indeed the number is climbing, as the negative influences of joining the EU catch up with Romania.

Comparing it to 90s sociological studies, the number of unmarried cohabitants has tripled until now. The specialists in Romania marriage are not concerned about the results, as they know these tendencies are similar worldwide.

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Despite all the literature aimed at educating the modern world about HIV and AIDs, there is still much prejudice. Many within the gay community in any country will testify to the discrimination and vilification they have received from ignorant members of, not just the public, but often by their own families.

A Red Cross survey carried out in Britain recently found that 1 in 7 young people would disown a friend if they discovered they had contracted HIV and half the group surveyed would prefer a family member with HIV to be kept secret.

This is because, despite attempts at educating the masses on this subject, rumour and scaremongering are rife and original ideas that this was a ‘dirty’ disease only caught by people who indulge in perverse acts, has remained. A lot of this is due to fear.

As early as 1959, a tissue sample taken from a dead youth in the US was found to hold HIV. Back then, this virus was in the very early stages and was slow to travel. However, after a series of events it took hold and instilled fear and panic into most of the world’s population.

In the late 1960’s, Factor VIII was the latest treatment for haemophiliacs. Hundreds of blood donors contributions were pooled together to collect the blood clotting agents needed for treatment. It was not understood at that time how easily HIV was spread through blood and the donations went unscreened. Therefore, it only took one infected donation to contaminate a huge batch.

Around the same time, blood transfusions as a treatment on the whole were becoming more and more widespread and several countries, including the US, actually paid for donations. This was very tempting to desperate people, such as those who took drugs, to make fast money. It would take only one addict to donate blood with the use of an unsterile syringe to then pass it on through his own syringe use.

Drug use was prevalent at the time due to the increase in availability of heroin after the Vietnam war.
There was a revolution among the gay community in the late 70’s and early 80’s and many of their members made the most of the easy international travel opening up. It was a little known problem at the time but gay sex was the highest risk way for contracting HIV.

So, all these factors were coming together at once; The increasing prevalence of unscreened blood transfusions, more wide spread drug use, international travel opening up to the masses and a ‘coming out’ of the gay community. HIV was spreading but because the disease is slow to show, many people knew nothing about it until it developed into AIDS and people began dying in frightening numbers.

This occurred around the early 1980’s and widespread panic occurred. Gay people suffered discrimination and ostracizing as their group were widely known to be amongst the highest risk. The prejudice they suffered included being pushed out of workplaces, barred from others and education was withheld.

Until recent times, gay people have been held out of military jobs and anyone in the forces found or suspected to be gay were hounded out of their jobs. It didn’t matter that they were good at their job - people were scared they would catch some deadly disease. Wrongly so as it is not transmitted through everyday life.

This behaviour occurred all over the world and many gay people were murder victims at the hands of ignorant people who were attempting to wipe out the disease for fear of catching it themselves. Many still see it as a shameful disease. However, as we have seen, you do not have to be gay to suffer with this.

Many heterosexual people have caught HIV through sex, not necessarily casual or gay, and through blood transfusions. Blood is now routinely screened and with the right precautions it is possible to keep this at bay. This is by no means a gay epidemic.

At the end of 2007, there are 33.2 million people living with HIV with approximately 2.1 million people a year dying from AIDS related illnesses. Despite the educational drives by the health services around the globe, the stigma surrounding HIV is still as bad in the UK as it is in South Africa.

If this doesn’t change, it will force the sufferers to keep quiet about their predicament, with the result being delayed treatment putting further people at risk.
HIV is more than a ‘gay’ disease. It affects every community in the world and needs every community to help deal with it in a uniform way without the stigma that causes unnecessary fear.

Health expert Shaun Parker looks into the prejudice against gay people because of the HIV fear. To find out more please visit http://www.gaytimes.co.uk/

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Any relationship can be quite challenging, but when dating someone from another country, culture and background, you may have to deal with such obstacles as language barrier, cultural differences and luck of knowledge on your fiancee’s perceptions, both about major life issues and about the little nothings of life. Therefore, learning more about Ukrainian cuisine and drinking habits would provide you with good start in your relationship.

First thing you should know about Ukrainian cuisine is that Ukrainians are very hospitable and generous when it comes to feeding their guests. Moreover, Ukrainian ladies love and know how to cook. So, the first of our Ukraine dating tips is to be prepared to eat much and try not to refuse a second helping of anything when you are invited to dinner over to your fiancee’s home. Otherwise, she and her family (especially her mother) might think you shun their hospitality and dislike their food (and efforts put towards cooking it).

You should know that Ukrainian cuisine includes some very tasty dishes along with some more exotic ones. Among the most traditional Ukrainian dishes there are Borshch (beet soup), Vareniki (sort of Ravioli), Nalisniki (pancakes), Golubsti (cabbage rolls) and Salo with garlic (Pig’s fat). Some of these you may like, while others you may hate. So, another one of the Ukraine dating tips is to think out some nice explanation as to why you do not want to eat or even taste some of the food offered to you.

Make it something nice and believable. In the US or in most European countries people do not eat pig’s fat. You might feel sick even thinking of eating something like that, but it is no good telling so to your fiancee’s family. So, think out ahead of time some reputable reason why you deny their refreshments.

As to the Ukrainian drinking habits, you should know that many Ukrainian men do drink a lot. Most Ukrainian men prefer vodka or cognac. In fact, this is one of the reasons why many Ukrainian women wish to marry foreign men. Thus, if you want to be successful in your Ukrainian dating you should better follow the third one of the Ukraine dating tips: do not drink much and do not share much with your lady your “pub adventures”.

Of course, some ladies in Ukraine do drink a lot of alcohol, but most of them would think it acceptable to drink some wine or liquor on certain occasions, such as dates, celebrations or holidays. Moreover, some ladies make it a condition for the men they wish to date or marry that they would not take any alcohol at all!

When visiting your lady’s family, it would be a good idea to discuss this matter with her before you offer her any alcohol, or when you get ready to go and visit her family. If she is not flat against it, you may get a bottle of good vodka, cognac or wine for her family or her father. Finally, in any case restrain yourself to taking only a few drinks, no matter how generously her family offers you to take more.

Keeping to these simple rules when dealing with Ukrainian cuisine and drinking habits will help you to positively impress your lady and to avoid unnecessary conflicts in your relationships.

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